I left the house without my bag this morning and had to dash back and get it. On my way back to the station I forgot to look both ways crossing the road and had a narrow squeak. I’ve managed to survive the rest of the day so far and got to thinking about forgetting things. So in no particular order, here are five things I think we’ve forgotten how to use properly.
1. Roundabouts
I used to think that in England, we give way to the right on a roundabout. These days I’m not so sure. After several happy years without a car I was given one recently, and since then I’ve lost count of the number of times the front of my car has been narrowly missed by white van man. He seems to be able to simultaneously swear, drive with his knees, smoke and text. Yet the simple act of giving way at a roundabout eludes him. Still, at least it blows the argument that us blokes can’t multitask eh?
2. Speak Up
People often tell me they don’t like being told what to do yet they persist in dumbly allowing their boss to tell ’em. Maybe there’s a better way? But you sure as hell ain’t gonna find out if you don’t open your mouth and start the conversation. And if you really feel that’s not possible where you work, find another job.
3. Peanut Butter
Peanut butter can only exist in one of two magic quadrants. They are: 1. toasted crumpet, butter, marmite, peanut butter (strictly in that order) and 2. White bread, butter, jam, peanut butter (again, strictly in that order). Any other use of peanut butter is heresy.
4. Swearing
I can remember when the power of a good swear made the hairs on my neck stand up. A well timed, passionate swear can be the gateway to many exciting things. Trouble is, nowadays, folks’ dialogue is riddled with arseholes, bastards, pricks and wankers. So please, swear smartly.
5. Connecting Stuff
In the olde days, folks used to choose where to post stuff based on the likely audience. Career type stuff on LinkedIn, conversational stuff on Twitter, and goofing off on Facebook. Then some smartass decided it would be really cool if all these tools could be seamlessly connected. So now when I go to LinkedIn I get to see who just went for a run and who just checked in at the kwik e mart. And I’d rather not thanks. Just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should.
I’m starting to think I’ve lost, or at least forgotten, my marbles today. What have you seen people forget lately?
Peanut butter not allowed in our house (due to a fairly serious allergy (not mine!) rather than anything else) but the question is “how can you put peanut butter on top of jam without the jam falling off?”. Then I thought about a similar dilemma with scones, jam and clotted cream ….. scone, butter, clotted cream and then jam is the only way allowed but that works because you just dollop on the jam …. so I’m now back to “how does peanut butter work?”
Things I’ve noticed people forget recently (including me – see if you can guess which ones?)
1. Forgetting to commiserate with someone who suffered a family bereavement
2. Forgetting that people actually read Facebook so STOP SWEARING ON FACEBOOK!!! not clever, not funny, just chavvy.
3. Forgetting the apostrophe, how to spell and how to write basic English
4. Forgetting that I had promised to give up cake
5. Forgetting to say hello to people when they come into work
6. My favourite though is actually forgetting to remember. There are times when something happens to you which really winds you up so you take a chill pill (on the basis that revenge is best served cold) and then when the time comes …….. just forget about it.
Ha! Your list is waaaay better than mine. So it appears that I forgot to ask you to write this post 😉
Number five is a doozie – that hello makes a biiiig difference.