Talking About Loneliness

Last week I facilitated some learning and conversation at the 2016 LPI Fellows Symposium under the heading of ‘The Loneliness of the Long Distance Learning Leader’. I promised to write up something about the experience, this is that reflection and review.

The first things we spoke about and shared together, were our desired mood and tone for the session, and our expectations. These things were scribbled onto Post It notes and made available for people to read in the room, and I offered to write them up afterwards (Pro tip: If you want a Post It to stick well, peel it off side to side, not top to bottom. Thank you Tom). The mood conversation works well as a word cloud.

LPI Mood and Tone Conversation

The expectations are much more nuanced and having tried to word cloud them – all I got was confusion. The full list of what people shared is available here, in essence I see it as boldness, sharing, connecting, challenge, reflection, and something about the yin of discomfort meshed with the yang of ease.

The overarching themes for the session were loneliness, and how to make work better. Prior to the session I published a few notes and suggested topics of conversation. Here is a reminder of the conversation topics on offer:

Loneliness – recognising it, working with it, overcoming it
Trust – giving, earning, breaking, rebuilding. If we go down this route, I am mindful that though important, trust is not enough. So what else do we need in order to cocreate a ‘Proceed Until Apprehended’ mindset?
Responsibility – owning, taking and sharing
Creativity – we need it, yet behaviourally we’re often way off – how do we get better?
Networks – communities of practice, and more
Technology – by itself is not the answer – and a poor tech experience can severely limit opportunity

In addition, the group asked to add Resilience and How to Deal With a Bad Hair Day into the mix.

With all the basics covered, the conversation began – with groups at tables choosing to let the conversation flow in the directions they wanted. The invitation was to talk for a period of time, reconvene and see where we should go next. The initial period of conversation seemed to focus on challenges, and after a short break – we agreed to let the conversation flow, and then to share any thoughts, ideas, questions. I’m conscious that when sharing brief snippets and outputs of a much richer picture, gaps often appear:

The impulse is pure
Sometimes our circuits get shorted
By external interference
Signals get crossed
And the balance distorted
By internal incoherence – N.Peart

Notwithstanding these gaps and possible shortcomings, here is a summary of what people shared.

Loneliness: Have confidence. Do business leaders really know what L&D delivers? Does L&D? Does the way we describe ourselves create an impression we didn’t intend to create?

Trust: Shifting from trust neutral – choosing to give first. Using purpose and connection to underpin trust. Brand : Why, not what?

Responsibility: This grid was offered as a way of helping to analyse stakeholders.

Stakeholder Analysis Grid

Networks: Are useful and they are not a community, self policing. How would you introduce yourself?

Resilience: Have a passion for your goal, or walk. Support, for your plan. Where do you get support – family? Ask for help. What is your verb?

Any Other Business

My intention was for this session to have a very light structure, and to be something cocreated. I wrote some notes to help introduce the session and I shared these notes on my blog, on the day of the event. Next time I will share stuff like this with a bit more notice.

There was some uncertainty at the beginning of the session. I wondered if I offered too many options for people to consider, and something similar was subsequently fed back to me. I can see how, in a short space of time, too many choices can create uncertainty. The following day I worked with another large group and I incorporated this feedback in to the new session. Still giving choices, fewer this time, plus an ‘anything you like’ option in case the choices on offer weren’t useful for everyone. This subsequent session seemed to flow more readily. Putting learning into practice.

Someone fed back to me that in my position as facilitator, I should never show uncertainty. I’ve thought long and hard about this, and I don’t agree. I am/we are uncertain at times, and I believe that uncertainty is an inherent part of my/our improvisational style. There’s a balance, as there is with most things, and I’m OK with people knowing that we are working on something about which I may be uncertain. The work is unfolding, and therefore not yet fully visible.

People really appreciate time with each other, several people expressed a wish for the conversation to continue for longer. I expect this is partly due to that fact that they were in control of the conversation, rather than being directed. I hear this sort of thing frequently, which prompts thoughts that more widely, we need to work harder on making the most of these experiences, perhaps through greater levels of cocreation?

Thank you to The LPI for the opportunity. Lots of people were kind to me after the session finished. They appreciated me for my use of humour, and willingness to try something different and go with the flow. Thank you for all the lovely feedback, I’m pleased our time together went well.

Further reading:

Loneliness. Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection


6 Ways To Improve Learning – Created with Haiku Deck, presentation software that inspires;

The Loneliness of The Long Distance Learning Leader

I’m heading to the LPI Fellow’s Symposium today, and before departing I looked up the definition for the word ‘symposium’. I was given two options:

  1. A conference or meeting to discuss a particular subject.
  2. A drinking party or convivial discussion, especially as held in ancient Greece after a banquet.

I expect the intention leans towards option 1. We’ll see. I’ve kindly been invited to facilitate some conversation at the event, on the theme of loneliness. Putting to one side your thoughts about why such a subject is attracted to me, I thought it would be useful to share my current thinking. I’m doing this primarily as part of working out loud in general, and also, for anyone else heading to the event who might want a preview, or an excuse to turn and head back home 😉 I hope this is useful for you, here goes…

The Loneliness of The Long Distance Learning Leader

With apologues to Alan Sillitoe

The film, The Loneliness of The Long Distance Runner, opens with Colin Smith (played by Tom Courtenay) running, alone, along a bleak country road somewhere in rural England. In a brief voiceover, Colin tells us that running is the way his family has always coped with the world’s troubles, but that in the end, the runner is always alone and cut off from spectators, left to deal with life on his own.

We’ve all experienced loneliness at times in our work…or is it just me? Cue: awkward silence. Whether as a full time learning professional, an interim or freelancer, the task of nurturing, facilitating and encouraging learning can put us seemingly at odds with the organisations and the structure we are asked to work with. Collaboration, creativity, curiosity and communication are cited as desirable, often essential ingredients to support meaningful enjoyable work, yet organisations somehow mitigate against these things taking root and flourishing. I have scribbled, and rescribbled this short passage many times over the years:

Most work is coercive, it is done to you. The best work is coactive and cocreative, it is done with, for and by you. It is totally human to want, need and expect that our views be taken into consideration and yet we defy these wants, needs and expectations at almost every step in our working lives. Never do anything about me, without me.

This session today is an invitation to discuss and explore some of what is needed to make our work great, so that we can in turn, be of most use to those we are here to support.

Suggested topics of conversation:

Loneliness – recognising it, working with it, overcoming it
Trust – giving, earning, breaking, rebuilding. If we go down this route, I am mindful that though important, trust is not enough. So what else do we need in order to cocreate a ‘Proceed Until Apprehended’ mindset?
Responsibility – owning, taking and sharing
Creativity – we need it, yet behaviourally we’re often way off – how do we get better?
Networks – communities of practice, and more
Technology – by itself is not the answer – and a poor tech experience can severely limit opportunity

You may well have better suggestions than these – so we will start with time to reflect on how you’d like to be while we are together, and what you’d like to get from our time together. Then you are invited to talk, listen, share stories and ideas, and cocreate ways to make work…less lonely, and more effective and enjoyable.

With the permission of the group, I will follow this post up with another, setting out what we share and learn. Have an excellent day.

Leap Day Learning

A review of Leap Day 2016

Act One : Scene One

Monday 29th February 2016, a group of 15 intrepid, curious explorers gathered at The British Library. I distributed our Leap Day journals, and read a short poem which we discovered on Leap Day 2012. This poem was printed and stuck into each copy of the journal.

The Leap Day Poem

Act One : Scene Two

With our nod to the previous Leap Day complete – we took time to explore the Alice in Wonderland exhibition at The British Library. As we did so – we thought about beginnings, and before we headed off down the rabbit hole to our next destination, we stood and shared some of the things we found. I’ve written many in my journal, here are just a few:

She generally gave herself very good advice (though she very seldom followed it). Found by Jo Stephenson in the exhibition.

You do not know if
What you leave behind
Will weave into our world
And ignite beauty into our mind

A poem by Meg Peppin

‘It’s too dark to read anything except your thoughts’ I forget who spotted this. If it was you – let me know and I’ll pop your name in here.

From the point of ignition
To the final drive
The point of the journey
Is not to arrive
Anything can happen…
N. Peart

That’s enough about lessons, tell her about games now. Found by Steve Chapman in the exhibition.

With our beginnings shared, we headed off. As we left the building, we shared some home made chocolate and cranberry brownies. When Alice at the ‘Eat Me’ cake, she grew. I wondered how we would grow throughout the day.

Act Two : Scene One

Some of us walked to Tate Modern, some caught the tube. On arrival, we explored an exhibition titled Making Traces and considered a few questions. The questions were:

How do you leave a trace?

A footprint, a photograph or a mark of where you were?
What do traces tell us about what happened before?
What trace would you leave for others to discover?

I traced the outline of my hand into my journal, then made another copy of my hand on a sheet of tracing paper, following the lines of the grain on the wooden floor of the gallery. I overlaid one onto the other. I made some drawings, copying and blind drawing (method illustrated here), and I thought about physical traces, online traces, and legacy too. I found this process thoughtful, enjoyable, uplifting, particularly when considering legacy. Here is some of my work.

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Act Two : Scene Two

As we prepared to leave Tate Modern I distributed pieces of an artwork titled Good Hearts, which I made over the weekend. I wasn’t sure how to integrate this gift into the day, and as we stood together in the gallery, this felt like the right time to give.

Good Hearts

Interlude : Lunch and conversations at Borough Market

Act Three : Scene One

Over lunch, some conversations emerged about what to do next. We decided to walk to the National Theatre where we would stop, and make some art. Like everything in the day – this was an invitation, and on arrival, some of us drew and painted, some of us did other things. Those of us who made art, agreed to distribute it for others to pick up and take home – a collective trace of Leap Day. What a lovely idea. Here is some of our art.

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Act Three : Scene Two

Those of us who remained – drifted to the bar and shared some more good conversation over a drink. Thanks to everyone who came along for a day of useful fun. Without people, you’re nothing.

Exit stage left.

Producer’s notes:

Michelle Parry-Slater has kindly written about her Leap Day experience here.

Steve Chapman has kindly written a piece related to Leap Day and more, here.

I used Twitter and Slack to coordinate Leap Day and correspond with everyone. I think I only sent two emails, both very early on in the preparation. I was new to Slack – and found it a bit tricky to adopt but once I got my feet under the virtual desk, I found it a useful place to share project information, news and updates with the group.

I enjoy this work because: it’s fun, I learn new things, I like doing things for others : making the journals, the Leap Day logo, the art, the chocolate brownies, all these things were a pleasure.

We were short of time at the end of Leap Day and several people left their art with me – I agreed to distribute it for them. Fortunately I was in a position to retrace some of our steps later in the week so the commitment was fulfilled in close proximity to where the making took place. I enjoyed the process of honouring the group and letting go of the work for others to find. As this piece says, ‘JUST CREATE and don’t be attached to it’.

Just Create

Be invitational, be kind, be encouraging, be open to possibilities.