Taking Responsibility

A friend recently pointed me in the direction of a short TED talk by Barry Schwartz (8 minutes), titled “The way we think about work is broken.” Schwartz observes that we’re not used to challenging things which have become socially acceptable, and over time, the blandification which sets in as a result of this reluctance, makes more and more work soulless and demeaning.

Schwartz’s short talk strikes a painful and necessary chord for me. I spend a lot of time taking deep breaths before asking those awkward questions. In so doing, I offer a challenge to the so-called ‘socially acceptable’ stuff. I seek to do this with kindness, yet observing and inquiring about those “elephants in the room,” frequently brings forth dissonance.

I’m both privileged and cursed by my late Mum who brought me up this way, to take responsibility for what I see around me, and to ask why. The initial responses I get from people in these inquiries often include shock, disbelief, sometimes even anger. I understand and appreciate the nature of the responses I get because very often, the awkward question I’m asking, however simple it may seem, challenges my own beliefs too.

To disagree with the norm puts people at risk. At risk of social exclusion, maybe even the risk of losing your job. A good friend recently introduced me to a group of people with these words: ‘Doug is someone who has an ability to ask challenging questions, openly and honestly and in a way that acknowledges his own shortcomings too. It’s powerful, and it’s why some people can’t wait to work with him again and why others never want to see him again’.

People say they want honesty and openness, until they look me in the eye and see my own and their own inadequacies reflecting back at them. At that point, it becomes easier to blame someone or something – in preference to owning (at least a share of) the responsibility for change.

I’m working with a group of people who are gathering some data about their performance, from people the group provides a service to. Prior to starting the exercise, the group reports feeling undervalued. The initial signs from the data relating to responsiveness, quality of work and other things, is strongly positive. There seems to be a mismatch? People self-select into small groups during some brief time we have together and agree a plan to self-organise, meet and discuss the data, then reconvene and share observations, findings, and suggested actions for improvement.

We gathered again several weeks later for the review, and it quickly became clear no one had met to talk. No one at all. Reminders had been sent, offers of assistance had been made, and nothing seemed to have happened. I was keen to understand why, and no one had any answers, at least none they were willing to state to the group. Maybe I should have gently persisted, gone deeper, but I didn’t. Maybe the sense of feeling undervalued which the group expressed is part of their own way of not taking responsibility? We ended up having the discussion together when the original intention was to have a review of things already discussed, and progress from there.

These things happen sometimes, and in this case, there was frustration expressed by people, both in the room and afterward, at the lack of progress. By way of an example, someone fed back, anonymously, that the whole thing was a “pointless waste of time because no one contacted me to arrange the discussion.” It apparently hadn’t occurred to this person they could have chosen to be the catalyst.

Subsequently, I reviewed the situation and asked myself what I could have done differently. What pieces of the process could I have taken better care of, could I have taken clearer ownership for? I spotted a few things, and I also wondered, did I expect too much that this group might self-organise and make something happen? After all, they were used to working in a typical hierarchical way, which often involves waiting to be told what to do. I’m not sure, and what I did observe, was that all the feedback from the group was about apportioning blame, rather than taking responsibility.

Enthusiasm, encouragement, support – these are all helpful, lovely, necessary ingredients which go towards co-creating a good working experience. And they’re not enough. At times, we need to take a deep breath and ask the awkward, challenging questions, and acknowledge our own shortcomings and those of others too. Not with the intention of shaming anyone, but in pursuit of a better outcome next time. We also need to take responsibility too. The clearer we can be about this the better. Clearly defined ownership of specific actions beats vague high level sweeping statements from which we can all abdicate from. Without finding the courage to do that, my concern is that all the rest, all that other good stuff, is surely just a waste of time?


Find Another Way

How do you respond when things go wrong?

Note: I first started writing this post over three years ago. At the time I was not in a good place, and I drafted something with lots of anger in it. Since then I’ve played with the draft many times and never managed to get the balance right. This week I took another look and I think I have finally managed to position things in a way which is helpful to me – and hopefully for you too. Thanks for reading.

I’m having a great week. Meeting interesting people, having interesting conversations, doing work I enjoy and which I believe makes a difference. Learning to appreciate myself and others more, trying to make good, better. This week I’m on a roll and I am grateful to everyone who is helping me right now. I hope you’re having a good one too.

But what happens when the opposite is the case? Sometimes things don’t go to plan, and when that happens, it is helpful to have someone to blame. I do it, and you do it too, don’t you?

I Blame HR

I blame HR, with their pointless annual appraisals, their patronising diversity training and their crappy happy clappy fund raising bake sales. I blame HR.

I Blame Finance

I blame finance, with their stupid budget restrictions, their over complicated spreadsheets and their mind numbing expenses policy. I blame finance.

I Blame Sales

I blame sales, with their cheap suits, their bonus chasing greed and their legendary ability to over promise. I blame sales.

I Blame Facilities

I blame facilities, with their untimely fire drills, feng shui faux pas and their utopian paper free office strategy. I blame facilities.

I Blame Customer Services

I blame customer services, with their call waiting stats, their net promoter index and their ‘I can’t do that, you need to speak to my supervisor’ unhelpfulness. I blame customer services.

You get the picture. But have you ever stopped to think, maybe it’s you? OK, maybe you didn’t cause the problem, but let’s face it, pointing the finger at everyone isn’t much help. The attitude you choose, particularly when things aren’t going to plan, says an awful lot about you. So the next time things go off course, if it’s only a little, then hey – try and enjoy it, maybe there’s another way. If things are way off course, then try and be useful, find out if people need help to get things back on track. Most importantly, try to be kind about it. More and more I’m realising that a little kindness goes a long way. It’s The International Day of Happiness today, so why not push the boat out and throw your best smile into the mix too.

Blame Is Not The Answer

Blame is not the answer. Find another way. Have a lovely weekend.


Abdicate Responsibility

A couple of months ago I wrote a piece called ‘It’s Good to Talk’, which shared some interesting research from New York University and Chicago University on why email is not a good tool to use if you want to be understood. Building from that, here is reason number 256 why email sucks:

Abdicate Responsibility

I write some crap.

I press Abdicate Responsibility Send.

It’s your problem now, deal with it.

And if you don’t, I’ll copy a bunch of other folk in just to heap pressure on you, in fact, fuck it, I’ll do that right from the start.

Sound familiar?

Please – before you send that email, go and see the other person first, particularly if they are at the next desk, or on the same floor, or same building. And if they’re not, then call them. For the most part, email should be our last resort, not our first port of call.