Tag: work

Crap Engagement – a song about work

This is a version of Crap Engagement, first performed live last week at the ConnectingHR unconference. Lyrics by Neil Usher, arranged and performed by Doug Shaw. Original music by Paul Weller. Hope you like it. The photo above was taken by Callum Saunders at the May ConnectingHR Unconference, thanks Callum.

Wrong kind of leaves and I’m two hours late
The interviewer thinks I’m the next candidate
He ends in tears, got personal issues
I get the job because I’m carrying tissues
That’s crap recruitment, that’s crap recruitment……

First day and they forget I’m arriving
It’s like a juggernaut with no-one driving
A mass walkout ‘cause the boss is a nazi
I get promoted ‘cause I was in the khasi
That’s crap engagement, that’s crap engagement…..

Log on by eleven but they block social media
They think Twitter’s just for Justin Bieber
Cant get a smartphone or a tablet PC
They say they’re part of the liberal conspiracy….
That’s crap equipment, that’s crap equipment,….

Their take on modern flexible culture
Is circling over your head like a vulture
They tried mobility but that was a failure
Half the staff went to work in Australia
That’s crap enslavement, that’s crap enslavement…..

Waking up from bad dreams in foetal position
Ignore the whispers and stares of suspicion
I get an e-mail saying I’ve failed probation
Here’s a box to pack your humiliation
That’s crap termination, that’s crap termination…..

Two worlds passing like ships at midnight
Concluded I’ve been missing the solitude
I’ll keep trying till I find what’s right (for me)
And in the meantime make Jam and write poetry….
Crap entertainment, crap entertainment….

Human Resource – a song about work

I finally got round to making a recording of the musical collaboration between Neil Usher and myself. It’s taken me to wonderfully unexpected places. This song has been played live at ConnectingHR and Workplace Trends, and formed a part of the 2011 Never Records exhibition. It’s been played in clubs, pubs and even somewhere in a field in Hampshire. I’m hugely grateful to Neil for his fine lyrics and I hope you like the song.

So welcome to careers advice
By Crystal, Balls and Whistles
For us, ten minutes’ sacrifice
For you, a bed of thistles
Blessed as we are, with retrospect
We may just steer you rightly
We’re not quite sure what you expect
But suggest you curse politely
Contractually from what we say
There’s no redress or recourse –
You’re on your own and on your way
Now you’re a human resource;

You’ve come prepared I do regret
With your qualifications
You may as well have stacked a debt
On hedonist vacations
There’s nothing at university
You can’t find in the cloud
Your i-Pad is a library
And talking loud- well, is allowed
And I see you’ve got a suit and tie on
A stuffed shirt without remorse –
Get your jeans, forget the iron
Now you’re a human resource;

Its great you have a CV
But that’s for oldschool peasants
We’ve abandoned linearity
Now its online presence
Its from here to ubiquity
With LinkedIn, Tweets and blogging
Push a 3D identity
and avoid the dead-horse flogging
You may be digital native
But you’re really rather coarse –
You’ve got to get creative
To be a human resource;

So – you want flexibility
And a chance to work abroad
Pure sustainability
And merit-based reward
Space for concentration
And interactive tools
Online collaboration
And exemption from the rules?
There must be some confusion
You’re a million miles off course –
A super-sized delusion
For a human – bloody! – resource

But I see you’ve got a start-up
And are followed by a legion
And organise a Tweetup
That’s legend in the region
You fart and its Retweeted
You cough to find it trending
And every thought completed
Is another patent pending
I feel the truth approaching
We’d better close this discourse –
‘cause I’m the one needs coaching
Now you’re a human resource….

Us

You often hear senior folk talking about other people employed in the company they work for as “them”.

We need to engage them better
We need to develop them better
We need to performance manage them better
We need to motivate them better

I don’t get it. The last time I looked, these seniors, these execs, they are employees too yes? So surely it’s us we need to engage, develop, performance manage and motivate better, not them. If you think your fellow employees are them, and not us, chances are you need to get a whole lot better, at least when it comes to leadership.

Work is better when we do it together, with each other not to each other. So let us make work better – together.