A story of love and loss

Yesterday I found Keira playing a game of Ludo. Her competitors were two of her teddy bears, Chapman and Chapman (not a typo, more of that another day – maybe). Keira’s always wanted a brother or sister to play with and as I watched this quite happy scene my mind rocketed to a wonderfully moving post by one of the best, funniest, most moving writers it has been my pleasure to read and meet, northernmum.

In this particular post northernmum writes about miscarriage. My wife Carole has had three, and so sadly Keira will remain an only child. As a Dad I’ll never know the pain of loss which Carole has had to endure three times, I can only be there for her. And as a child of three I’ll never know how Keira really feels about having to play Ludo with her teddy bears, I can only step in and make up the numbers sometimes.

Like all of us I sometimes feel I’m racing towards death. And because of this I try and have as much useful fun as I can along the way. My observation of Keira this weekend just gone was a powerful reminder to me, and she, Carole and I have had a wonderful weekend doing, well not very much. But it’s been great fun.

Time stand still
I’m not looking back
But I want to look around me now
Time stand still
See more of the people and the places that surround me now

Summer’s going fast, nights growing colder
Children growing up, old friends growing older
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger

Carole and I have been married 19 years today, I don’t know how she puts up with me and I’m glad she does. Happy anniversary darling.

Author: Doug Shaw

Artist and Consultant. Embracing uncertainty, sketching myself into existence. Helping people do things differently, through an artistic lens.

9 thoughts on “A story of love and loss”

  1. Doug,

    Huge respect and congratulations on the 19 years.

    Miscarriage is such a painful experience, having babies should be easy, but yet for many it is an obstable course with no finish line. How your wife endured three I will never know.

    Have a lovely day, cuddle keira tightly and look forward to the next nineteen years.

    Jane x

    1. The respect is due to Carole I will happily pass it on.

      We had a great fun afternoon yesterday exchanging a few gifts and having a lot of laughs. Keira presented us each with a gummy bear hidden inside a little porcelain heart, it was funny and touching simultaneously. She asked for a brother or sister again – “someone to boss around” being the reason this time.

      Thanks ever so much for your visit – it means a lot to us.

  2. Oh Doug you made me cry! As you know Mr P and I have had no luck conceiving and when we did it resulted in miscarriage. It’s for the best that we have accepted that we will just have the one. You really helped me to put things into perspective. I’m lucky – I have a terrific husband and a wonderful daughter, some don’t even get that.

    Congratulations both x

    1. Hi Emma – sorry about the crying, it wasn’t my intention though I confess I did a lot of it as I wrote the post. And you are right – some folks who want kids don’t have them so I don’t want anyone to think we’re anything but hugely grateful that Keira is here mixing things up with us.

      Lovely to hear from you

  3. Doug
    Happy Anniversary and Congratulations.

    That is one of the most touching posts I have read for a long time. Miscarriage can be absolutely devastating for both parties and my heart goes out to you both. Saying that sounds like you have a wonderful family who are lucky to have such a great Dad – enjoy each other. xxx

    1. Hello Beth – thanks for your kindness and encouragement. I make a lot of mistakes, asking Carole to marry me wasn’t one of them. We try our best to encourage each other and those around us to make the most of the many opportunities that present themselves along the way. I don’t consider myself to be a great dad, but I think sometimes we can make a pretty good family – and we definitely enjoy each other’s company. Cheers!

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