14th October 1985, the phone rings. “Hello son, this is dad. We’re going to hospital; it looks like this is it, do you want to come?” I declined. I couldn’t face going to see my mum die. She was cremated ten days later and I turned 20 four more days after that.
Suddenly you were gone, and all the lives you left a mark upon.
For me Mother’s day is a Jekyll and Hyde affair. I love it because of the excitement and joy that Keira Carole and I share as a family. Carole is a wonderful mum and Keira and I enjoy letting her know. Not just on Mother’s day – Keira often leaves messages and drawings and little love notes around the place – and I try to remember to tell Carole often that I think she’s a top mum too. Equally I find the day a sad one because for me – time is not a great healer. It merely puts greater distance between me and that very sad and painful day.
Of course I would dearly love to have enjoyed my mum’s support and generosity and love for longer, who wouldn’t? And shit happens and we have to deal with it. I take huge comfort from the fact that I spent very nearly nineteen fabulous years learning from mum. She taught me many useful things, among the very best of which are:
- Be yourself
- Get on with it
- Be kind to yourself and others
- Make mistakes and learn from them
I’m driven to live these things and I love it.
Thanks mum
photo c/o my dad
Such a lovely post Doug. You and your Mum have just given me another gentle reminder to live those things to….
You are a good example oh mighty conqueror of Mount Kilimanjaro. Inspiring work!
What a brilliant picture, and a touching blog too Doug. I often moan too much about both my mum and my mother in law. My mum is a holy moley, and I just don’t get it, and has never gotten on with my wife. My M-in-law is what you might call “eccentric” (nuts).
I saw both yesterday, and was really glad I was able to. As I have 3 boys, as usual it was up to me to bet cards and gifts for them to present to their mum. Boys are terrible in that way. Luciana loved them though.
Hello Stephen – I do appreciate you popping by and leaving a note for us. It’s a good little story, I like nuts.
You reminded me of how gracelessly I used to give gifts to mum at Mother’s day, boys are indeed terrible that way. So plased to read about Luciana’s reaction too – great stuff!
Great post Doug. It sounds to me like she did a terrific job. Thanks for sharing this story.
Hello Jay – yes she did a terrific job. It’s funny because through her I have a lot to live up to and I know I fall short often and yet I do enjoy trying to get things right. It’s good fun, in a painful way 🙂
Thanks for writing this and then sharing it Doug – I’m full of admiration on both counts…
Thanks David – this post nearly didn’t make it off the draft page. I’m glad it did though.
What a brave post. Well done for publishing it. Big (virtual) hugs to you but no air kissing x
Thanks ever so much Emma, I’m virtually feeling the hug 🙂 And you are so right – defo no air kissing – very funny indeed! My mum never air kissed anyone.
Well said Doug. And YOU are a fabulous Dad and she would be very proud of you.
Hello Denise – fancy meeting you here. Thanks for your kindness I appreciate it very much
Hey bud, just wanted to say what a touching post. I recently lost my cousin, and it’s affected the family quite hard. Your post is much appreciated.
Sorry for your loss Sukh. I hope that in time you will find some good learning in the sad stuff. Appreciate your visit as always.
I know how you feel Doug, except for me it’s Father’s Day. My dad died back in the seventies when I was 13 and even to this day it saddens me I was never able to do some of the simple things so many people take for granted about their dad’s like going for a drink or perhaps playing a round of golf (the nearest I got was walking round the course with him watching him and my brother play, but it gave me a taste for the game). His loss mademe emotionally stronger though and the positives (not really the right word but you know what I mean) I was able to take from losing him though are a) the trivial things in life like a washing machine breaking down aren’t worth getting stressed about and b) in all probability nothing worse will ever happen to me so keeping a perspective on things is not difficult for me.
What a lovely note thanks ever so much for sharing your story. And I know that positives doesn’t feel right and yet what you have written is….well, positive. Thanks for helping us to keep perspective too.
Doug, this is a lovely bit of writing. You could be me, my was 17 when my Mam died and I can totally empathise with what you have said here.
Hi Beth – sorry for your loss and thank you for the feedback, it’s kind of you to pop by and write your note.
She must have been a fantastic “mum” to have raised such a caring father and husband. I’m sure she’s so proud of you.
Hello Amy – I’m biased of course and I agree – fantastic is a great way to describe her. Thanks for popping by lovely to hear from you