I Still Miss Someone

a rare photo of me and mum together
a rare photo of me and mum together

I couldn’t bring myself to publish this yesterday…

14th October 1985, the phone rings. “Hello son, this is dad. We’re going to hospital; it looks like this is it, do you want to come?” I declined. I couldn’t face going to see my mum die. She was cremated ten days later and I turned 20 four more days after that.

Suddenly you were gone, and all the lives you left a mark upon.

For me Mother’s day is a Jekyll and Hyde affair. I love it because of the excitement and joy that Keira Carole and I share as a family. Carole is a wonderful mum and Keira and I enjoy letting her know. Not just on Mother’s day – Keira often leaves messages and drawings and little love notes around the place – and I try to remember to tell Carole often that I think she’s a top mum too. Equally I find the day a sad one because for me – time is not a great healer. It merely puts greater distance between me and that very sad and painful day.

Of course I would dearly love to have enjoyed my mum’s support and generosity and love for longer, who wouldn’t? And shit happens and we have to deal with it. I take huge comfort from the fact that I spent very nearly nineteen fabulous years learning from mum. She taught me many useful things, among the very best of which are:

  • Be yourself
  • Get on with it
  • Enjoy yourself and other people
  • Make mistakes and learn from them

I’m driven to live these things and I love it.

Thanks mum

photo c/o my dad – one of only a handful of pictures of me and my mum

Author: Doug Shaw

Artist and Consultant. Embracing uncertainty, sketching myself into existence. Helping people do things differently, through an artistic lens.

20 thoughts on “I Still Miss Someone”

  1. Such a lovely post Doug. You and your Mum have just given me another gentle reminder to live those things to….

  2. What a brilliant picture, and a touching blog too Doug. I often moan too much about both my mum and my mother in law. My mum is a holy moley, and I just don’t get it, and has never gotten on with my wife. My M-in-law is what you might call “eccentric” (nuts).

    I saw both yesterday, and was really glad I was able to. As I have 3 boys, as usual it was up to me to bet cards and gifts for them to present to their mum. Boys are terrible in that way. Luciana loved them though.

    1. Hello Stephen – I do appreciate you popping by and leaving a note for us. It’s a good little story, I like nuts.

      You reminded me of how gracelessly I used to give gifts to mum at Mother’s day, boys are indeed terrible that way. So plased to read about Luciana’s reaction too – great stuff!

    1. Hello Jay – yes she did a terrific job. It’s funny because through her I have a lot to live up to and I know I fall short often and yet I do enjoy trying to get things right. It’s good fun, in a painful way 🙂

    1. Thanks ever so much Emma, I’m virtually feeling the hug 🙂 And you are so right – defo no air kissing – very funny indeed! My mum never air kissed anyone.

  3. Hey bud, just wanted to say what a touching post. I recently lost my cousin, and it’s affected the family quite hard. Your post is much appreciated.

    1. Sorry for your loss Sukh. I hope that in time you will find some good learning in the sad stuff. Appreciate your visit as always.

  4. I know how you feel Doug, except for me it’s Father’s Day. My dad died back in the seventies when I was 13 and even to this day it saddens me I was never able to do some of the simple things so many people take for granted about their dad’s like going for a drink or perhaps playing a round of golf (the nearest I got was walking round the course with him watching him and my brother play, but it gave me a taste for the game). His loss mademe emotionally stronger though and the positives (not really the right word but you know what I mean) I was able to take from losing him though are a) the trivial things in life like a washing machine breaking down aren’t worth getting stressed about and b) in all probability nothing worse will ever happen to me so keeping a perspective on things is not difficult for me.

    1. What a lovely note thanks ever so much for sharing your story. And I know that positives doesn’t feel right and yet what you have written is….well, positive. Thanks for helping us to keep perspective too.

  5. Doug, this is a lovely bit of writing. You could be me, my was 17 when my Mam died and I can totally empathise with what you have said here.

    1. Hi Beth – sorry for your loss and thank you for the feedback, it’s kind of you to pop by and write your note.

    1. Hello Amy – I’m biased of course and I agree – fantastic is a great way to describe her. Thanks for popping by lovely to hear from you

Leave a Reply

Your e-mail address will not be published. Required fields are marked *