Onwards, Upwards, Artwards : Not Giving Up


Earlier this year, along with thousands of others, I submitted an entry to the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition. Yesterday, March 15th 2018, this happened:

I’m disappointed by the decision. I wouldn’t have submitted the work if I didn’t think it was worthy of inclusion, and it isn’t, and that’s OK. I’m pushing my artistic practice pretty hard right now – making more works live in front of audiences, making larger works, experimenting. To some extent, the goal of submitting to the RA is part of what drives me on. The Gathering remains a piece I am proud of – it was exciting to make, and having it freed up by the RA means I can now offer it elsewhere. This rejection is just another step on the adventure. Congratulations to Anne McCrossan, a lovely friend who did make the short list, I’m delighted for you.


Yesterday morning, I dropped ‘Thank You For Letting Me Be Myself Again’ off at the London headquarters of AECOM, where it will be on display until the end of April.

You can read the background to this piece here, and hopefully you’ll see why this is a great place for this art work to reside for a while. The timing of this particular art drop was a great antidote to the letter I received earlier. Thank you to the people at AECOM who are making this possible.

Not Giving Up

Last night I played at the Project B open mic, hosted by Chloe Ray. I first met Chloe a little over a year ago when we collaborated on a joint art/music project called ‘Not Giving Up’. Not Giving Up is the title of the fourth track on Chloe’s Reprise EP, and it’s the title of this artwork, made to celebrate the 50th consecutive week of the free art project.

Serendipitously, Chloe performed Not Giving Up last night, what a joy it was to hear that song, and reflect on a day of rejection and acceptance. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got work to do.

Experiments in Wellbeing – Meditation

Meditation. Noun, often used by tree huggers as an excuse for sitting around and not doing any work. Get a job you slacker.

Love and Peace

I used to think meditation was a waste of time, and I held this point of view despite never having tried it. As part of carrying out the 100HappyDays experiment, I began to appreciate the positive impact of slowing down enough, each and every day, to spot something that prompted happiness in me. I became conscious that in order to do this – I needed to let go of many distractions and thoughts, just long enough to spot and record whatever it was that made a difference that day.

I really enjoyed 100HappyDays, and the small change in behaviour I needed to make in order to complete it (79% of people who start the experiment fail to complete it – many citing ‘too busy’ as their excuse), so as I continued with my wellbeing experiment, I decided to get over myself and my negative thoughts, and expand on that slowing down and letting go sensation. It’s time to give meditation a try.

I chose Headspace as a tool to help me meditate, and I’ve been using it for almost 300 consecutive days now. Here’s a little of what I am experiencing.

What Makes A Habit?

I didn’t want to experiment with this half heartedly, I felt that would be making it too easy for the cynic in me which had dismissed the idea so strongly without every having tried it. Yet before I started with meditation, I wondered: how will I manage to find the time to do it every day? Turns out – it’s easy. You just do it. Whatever you decide is important – you will make time for. ‘I’m too busy’ simply means ‘this is not important enough to me right now’, and I am currently not too busy to meditate.

Having got this far, and whilst acknowledging that I’m probably being gamed by the Headspace app (complete xxx consecutive days and get a cookie), I’m curious to see if I can keep this daily practice of meditation up every day for a year. I haven’t yet found the answer to the question, ‘What makes a habit?’ and the longer I continue with this practice, the less interested I am to find out. What I am learning is that when you turn up every day to practice something, things start to change. I don’t think I am getting any ‘better’ at meditation as such, but I do think other things are getting better as a result of this reposted practice.


Distraction is everywhere. Even as I thought about how to begin to write these sentences, I popped over to Facebook, just in case anyone had posted anything interesting since the last time I looked, about ten minutes ago. I’ve always had a niggling conviction that I am easily distracted, and through meditation, I’ve begun to experience just how widespread and unhelpful that distraction can be at times. Having had my suspicions about distraction confirmed, I am in a better position to deal with them.


I frequently experience things such as loneliness, frustration, anger, sadness. I frequently experience things such as joy, humour and love too, yet for some reason I wrestle with the negative side of my mixed feelings more than the positive. You can’t have one without the other – I’ve always known that, yet I can struggle to accept the flow of these conflicting and contradictory thoughts and feelings. Through meditation I am learning to accept. Accept myself, accept and even enjoy the conflict which previously bothered me.

Other Stuff

I’m becoming increasingly mindful of the impact I have on others around me and I’m seeking to involve them in my thoughts, and how I can benefit them from being more mindful. I’m learning to go gently. Julie Drybrough recently tweeted a very touching memorial to her late father on the anniversary of his death – in it she used the words going gently. Her short, sweet tribute moved me and I’ve since been more aware of incorporating going gently into my practice. I want to move away from using Headspace and manage my meditation on my own for a while. It’s been incredibly useful, and it can be flaky at times. Waiting 25 minutes to get the day’s session to download is not always conducive to the act of meditating!

More to follow…some day.