Why Employee Engagement Surveys Suck

Survey Question

Last year I was asked to talk to the board of a small company (employing approx 250 people all under one roof) about employee engagement. Turns out they were interested in starting an employee survey and wanted some thoughts on this. I said ‘give me an hour to put something together’ and came up with this.

Why do employee surveys suck

They decided not to bother with a survey and we did some interesting work together. I guess what I learned from this is that sometimes you just need to go with what you believe. I mean, it would have been easy for me to share these thoughts and finish with ‘but we can avoid all these things and still give you a great survey’. I could have told them what they thought they wanted to hear, and that would have sucked even more.

photo credit

Employee engagement for maximum value

Here at What Goes Around Industries we run eight small factories on our estate. Every spring we induct a whole new raft of potential into each factory. Our new people mean everything to us. We provide an encouraging supportive environment for them to develop and grow.

In the first few weeks with us the work is hard, and not everyone is cut out for it. Those who choose to disengage are sent on their way with a happy smile, no retribution here.

Through the summer we allow our employees lots of time to relax. We want them to be the very best they can be so whilst we’re there to help if required, we prefer to let our people self determine. A few more leave us and that’s fine. Those who stay grow together, and strengthen our business immeasurably.

Autumn comes. It’s annual appraisal time and by now our employees are bright, shining and strong. We meet them all and apply a vigorous selection process before sending them on the final stage of their journey with us. It’s time to represent.

A Happy Employee

How do we get the most out of our people? First we disembowel them and then we put their remains to the sword.

A Disembowelled Employee

Next we literally put them through the grinder before finally squeezing the very life out of them.

Factory Equipment

We believe we are a model of excellent employee engagement. We get fantastic results. 100% customer and shareholder satisfaction and we’ve never once had an employee complain. Never.

Creating Maximum Value

How do you get the most out of your people?